I have always been a firm believer in the old axiom that we learn more from our mistakes and failures than we do from easy successes. Furthermore, the mistakes that you're about to see were all in the context of a college radio broadcasting course - and that's where we are supposed to make our mistakes. Some of them are funny as hell, some are cringe-worthy, and many are both. I've tried, in most cases, to highlight what the mistakes were and, most importantly, what we actually learned from making those mistakes - and nobody's mistakes are more in evidence than my own. I've also included a few examples of our successes, to try to balance things out a bit. In all cases, I've added my own thoughts, which are all intended tongue-in-cheek - and I admit that this is not always obvious. My bad.

I am not a mean-spirited person - that's not who I am. The result of all this "failure" was that SAIT's CTSR program produced one heck of a graduating class in 1995 - I'm damned proud to have been associated with every single one of 'em.

(last update November 13 1995 7:30pm MDT)

This page features a buncha audio, in MP3 format, that I had something to do with the production of. In many cases, it's stuff I produced while attending the Southern Alberta Institute of Technology (SAIT) in their "Cinema, Television, Stage & Radio Arts" (CTSR) program, majoring in radio production, from fall of 1993 to spring of 1995.

On this page you'll find some of my best work. You'll also find some complete shite - this is a "warts and all" presentation of everything I managed to find in a search of my old cassettes. The accompanying text that goes with each clip will, I hope, give you a bit of insight into just what goes into making a radio station work, and in particular what goes on behind the scenes at a radio broadcasting training school.

If you don't have an MP3 player, you'll need to install one before clicking on any of these links. For Windows, I suggest www.winamp.com

Audition Tape

audition.mp3 - 548K

Client:	Joey Lindstrom Audition Tape
Producer:	Joey Lindstrom
Writer:	Joey Lindstrom various others
Voices:	Jonelle Lacusta Art Richardson Joe Whitbread Matthew Dyck Kevin Green Jerry Calles Craig Harris Greg Huffman (don't remember) Laurie Healy
Music:	"The Skin Game" - Gary Numan

This was assembled from various commercials, promos, and other bits and pieces found on various tape reels cluttering up the garbage cans. I personally didn't think I'd get much of a grade on this assignment since I spent about 30 minutes putting it together - I had way too many other projects on the go at the time. Much to my surprise, it won runner-up for the Best Audition Tape Of The Year award and netted me a nice little plaque. :-)

Everything here was produced by me. I also wrote most (but not all) of the bits featured. And, please note the use of Numan music at the beginning and end of the tape. :-)

Commercials

comm01.mp3 - 219K

Client:	The SAIT Bookstore "Not Just Books"
Producer:	(don't remember)
Writer:	Joey Lindstrom
Voices:	Greg Huffman Craig Harris Jeff Condon

One of the first commercials I wrote during second-year. This particular batch of commercials was tough to write because most of our "clients" were ultra boring. I mean, c'mon... the SAIT Bookstore? BORING! So, I tried to jazz it up a bit. Got an "A" for my effort...

comm02.mp3 - 216K

Client:	Prodigy Information Service "Get More From Your Personal Computer"
Producer:	(don't remember)
Writer:	Joey Lindstrom
Voice:	Joe Whitbread

This one demonstrates the whore-like nature of the radio biz. Joey trying to sell Prodigy? YUCK! This one is kinda neat though, because the radio commercials I hear *TODAY* for various commercial internet service providers sound a lot like this one... and this was written in 1994, long before the internet had become the buzzword that it is today.

comm03.mp3 - 224K

Client:	The Eco-Shop "Not Just Another Gift Shop"
Producer:	(don't remember)
Writer:	Joey Lindstrom
Voice:	Tereasa Maillie

Anyone who knows me at all will have a severe case of raised eyebrow after hearing this spot. See my comments on COMM02 re: the whore-like nature of radio. :-)

comm04.mp3 - 213K

Client:	Bob's Books "That's A Good Question"
Producer:	(don't remember)
Writer:	(don't remember)
Voices:	Joe Whitbread Art Richardson Tereasa Maillie

I had nothing to do with this one. I include it as an object lesson of what not to do in radio. And in this case, what not to do is to write a spot without properly researching your client. Turns out Bob is deceased, and his widow wasn't too happy with us. The spot was yanked after only three airings.

comm05.mp3 - 452K

Client:	The Calgary Public Library "Information Is Power"
Producer:	(don't remember)
Writer:	Joey Lindstrom
Voice:	Laurie Healy

Here's another object lesson, this time for the sales team. Don't sell a 60-second spot to a client with a stultifyingly-dull product. Also, don't sell a spot on a radio station whose target market contains very few people who'd give a shit about the product. :-)

comm06.mp3 - 227K

Client:	SAIT Educational Resources Centre "More Than Just A Library"
Producer:	(don't remember)
Writer:	Joey Lindstrom
Voices:	Craig Harris Laurie Healy Kevin Haines

Y'know what I hate? I hate bafflegab. "Educational Resources Centre"? What in the fuck is that? Why not call it a fucking library??? Geez...

comm07.mp3 - 231K

Client:	Double Fortune Restaurant "Leave The Worries Of School Behind"
Producer:	Joey Lindstrom
Writer:	Joey Lindstrom
Voice:	Art Richardson

A straight-ahead spot with one line that doesn't quite match the overall tone of the spot. But who cares? It's funny!

comm08.mp3 - 454K

Client:	Another Dimension Comics "Space... The Final Frontier"
Producer:	Joey Lindstrom
Writer:	Craig Harris
Voices:	Joe Whitbread as Captain Kirk Jeff Condon as Scotty Darren Shaben as Expendable Crewman Matthew Dyck as Bones

One of my all-time fave SAIT commercials, mainly because it was written, by Craig, specifically with me in mind. He wanted a good Star Trek spot to go to air but didn't have enough confidence in the other production majors to bring it off. Not that he thought they were less skilled... no, it's because Craig and I were the two Trekkers in our class and he knew I'd understand the material. :-)

It's an obvious Star Trek parody - the voices aren't terribly faithful but that's not really important: it's the carricature that counts. And the best part is that it was a 60-second spot - meaning Craig had enough extra time to write in the death of an expendable crewman. :-)

This bugger of a commercial took me 4 or 5 hours to produce. Most of that time was spent figuring out how to wire up my VCR to the mixing desk so we could get "authentic" Trek sound, and also on how to rig the fucking cart machine to play in a continuous loop (for the background bridge sounds). Talk about yer learning experience...

comm09a.mp3 - 228K & comm09b.mp3 - 227K

Client:	Spartacus Lounge "A Whole Lotta Fun"
Producer:	Joey Lindstrom
Writer:	(don't remember)
Voice:	Matthew Dyck

This type of commercial is called a "donut". The announce talks at the beginning and at the end, and the middle is just low-level background music. This is so that when the commercial is actually being played on the air, the on-air disc jockey can read, live, some additional copy. In this particular case, the jock would promo various daily specials at the Spartacus Lounge.

Here in Calgary at least, the "donut" just isn't used on commercial radio, though smaller markets do still use them. They're a pain in the ass, quite frankly, and often the poor DJ is stuck with either too much or too little copy and doesn't realize this until seconds before going live.

comm10.mp3 - 227K

Client:	The Candy Shoppe "Goodies For The Goody"
Producer:	Joey Lindstrom
Writer:	(don't remember)
Voices:	Nadine Berkhout Jeff "Homer" Condon Jerry Calles

The problem with writing a script that features a celebrity impression is making sure you've got someone who can pull it off. With all due respect to Jeff, his Homer Simpson isn't obviously Homer Simpson until you're well into the commercial. The "act" might have worked if they'd simply dropped the "Homie" reference entirely. Or, rather, if I as the producer had done so. Silly me...

comm11.mp3 - 227K

Client:	Chintz & Company "Be Bold"
Producer:	Joey Lindstrom
Writer:	(don't remember)
Voices:	Joe Whitbread

North American TV viewers are very familiar with the ad slogan "With A Name Like Smuckers, It Has To Be Good". I think this principle applies to a name like "Chintz & Company". Listening to the spot, though, it sounds like nobody realizes that a name like "Chintz" doesn't really connect with a fashionable, upscale furniture store.

More to the point, what on earth is a fashionable, upscale furniture store doing advertising on college radio? How many sofas do you think they'll sell to starving students who eat Kraft Dinner three times a day? On the other hand, listening to this spot would leave you confused about what exactly these people sell - there's a reference to a sofa and to fabrics, but unless you're familiar with them already, you're gonna be left with just one thought: "Huh?"

comm12.mp3 - 222K

Client:	Brewed Awakenings "See For Yourself"
Producer:	Joey Lindstrom
Writer:	(don't remember)
Voice:	Nadine Berkhout

A pretty good spot that falls completely apart at the end, due to the writer's use of the slogan "see for yourself" twice within seconds. It's not done in a catchy way, either - it leaves you feeling like "jeez, this chick just doesn't have much of a vocabulary, eh?" Not much you can do as a producer here other than try to ask the writer for a rewrite - you don't rewrite slogans without permission because you never know - the client may have specifically requested it.

Also, as I was playing this back prior to uploading it to this page, I just noticed another problem with it. She got the address wrong. :-) It should be "Edmonton Trail NE" not "Edmonton Trail NW". Oh well...

comm13.mp3 - 449K

Client:	Brag Rags "You'll Be Doing It Too"
Producer:	Joey Lindstrom
Writer:	(don't remember)
Voices:	Matthew Dyck Joe Whitbread Kevin Green

I dunno... I have a wee bit of difficulty identifying with the product. Thus, I also have a wee bit of difficulty identifying with these two guys. Hard to put my finger on just what this spot needed to fix it. Oh well. Matthew is in pretty good form here, delivering a performance that's 80% Matthew and 20% Jon Lovitz. Joe's performance is pretty good too, and there is a moment towards the end where Joe says "Awwww! Fine..." that leaves you thinking he was about to say... well, something else.

comm14.mp3 - 217K

Client:	SAIT Athletics Basketball SAIT Trojans vs. Mount Royal Cougars "The Competition Look Like Sitting Ducks"
Producer:	Joey Lindstrom
Writer:	(don't remember)
Voice:	Art Richardson

This one has the same problem that COMM12 does - a repeated line, this time right smack in the middle - "cheer the loudest and cage a Cougar". Hell, it's a crappy line to begin with, why do we need to hear it twice? I was congratulated for this one afterwards, privately, by my instructor, for turning an absolute piece of shite script into a halfway decent spot. He dinged my grade, though, for allowing the repeated sentence to make it through production.

comm15.mp3 - 226K

Client:	The Calgary Cannons AAA Baseball Club "You Make The Call"
Producer:	Joey Lindstrom
Writer:	(don't remember)
Voice:	Joe Whitbread

About 75% of the commercials and PSA's we put on the air were for clients that our intrepid students, in their rotation into sales, would actually go out and solicit. Granted, the "sale" was made easier by the fact that we broadcast all ads for free, but the idea was to get the experience necessary in dealing with clients face-to-face and learning about their business.

This particular spot was not one of those - it was assigned to a writer from a newspaper ad. I very much doubt that the Calgary Cannons, the top farm team of the Pittsburgh Pirates major league baseball club, would have approved this commercial, because it uses the major league baseball players' strike (which had been going on for months) to sell tickets. Something like this might not occur to the average writer, as in this case: if this client had been the subject of a cold call, I think the final spot would have been very different. Beyond that, it's still a pretty decent spot.

comm16.mp3 - 455K

Client:	The Candy Shoppe "Game Show"
Producer:	Joey Lindstrom
Writer:	(don't remember)
Voices:	Jeff Condon Art Richardson Jonelle Lacusta

This one, I thought, worked rather well - it's a take-off on the game show "Jeopardy". The writing could have been a bit stronger, but the concept takes it a long way. I got dinged on my grade for allowing Jonelle to get away with a slight boo-boo - when she says "Plaza Theatre", it sounds like "THEE-ter".

comm17.mp3 - 455K

Client:	The Calgary Science Centre "Professor Blabjacket"
Producer:	Joey Lindstrom
Writer:	(don't remember)
Voices:	Darren Shaben Matthew Dyck

As a producer, I always hated getting scripts that required your voice talent to use a foreign accent. I also hated getting scripts that featured a character with an unbelievable name. This script has both.

Due credit to Darren Shaben - he tries his best, but unless the accent is 100% believable it takes away from the commercial. That, and the fact that he introduces himself right off the top as "Professor Blabjacket". Answer me this: even if you believed that someone might actually be named "Blabjacket", how likely do you think he'd speak with a German accent? So while you're listening to the spot, you're thinking these things and you're not paying any attention to the commercial itself or the product it's trying to sell, which defeats the entire purpose. As a commercial producer, you're literally a partner of the client, and your job description is to help sell the product. If your commercial doesn't do that, then you've failed your client.

I am surprised, as I record this today, to note that I got an "A" grade on my production of this spot, despite the relatively high number of "popped p's" by both Darren and Matthew. This is my fault entirely: I've always favoured a very close mic position to get an intimate, warm sound, but this means the chances of "popped p's" goes up dramatically. It's my job to catch it, and I usually did. Indeed, I got something of a reputation for being a hard taskmaster, continually requiring revoicing until it was "just right". :-)

comm18.mp3 - 223K

Client:	The Sunshine Inn At Sunshine Village "100% Natural Snow Guaranteed"
Producer:	Joey Lindstrom
Writer:	(don't remember)
Voice:	Kevin Green

This one starts off as a commercial for the Sunshine Inn, which is located at the Sunshine Village ski resort, and finishes out as a commercial for Sunshine Village itself. It's what we call "losing your focus". Luckily, it was the writer who got their grade dinged, not me. :-)

comm19.mp3 - 224K

Client:	The Jubilee Auditorium "The Amazing Raveen"
Producer:	Joey Lindstrom
Writer:	(don't remember)
Voice:	Jeff Condon

Y'ever wonder what Jimi Hendrix and Raveen have in common? Listen to this spot and... you still won't know. :-)

comm20.mp3 - 452K

Client:	Speedy Muffler "Winter's Icy Grip"
Producer:	Joey Lindstrom
Writer:	(don't remember)
Voice:	Laurie Healy

One of the first lessons they teach you in broadcasting, and one that they continually pound into your head, is to smile. Sure, it's radio... nobody can see you smile, right? Right. But your smile can be heard, as Laurie demonstrates quite well in this spot.

The only problem I had with this one is the length - it's a 60 second spot. Maybe it's just me, but I really don't believe in the power of a 60 second spot. I think most listeners get bored with commercials this long, unless you add some entertainment value, as in the "Star Trek" spot for Another Dimension Comics (COMM08). This one's just a straight-ahead medium-sell spot, which Laurie does very well. Unfortunately, even her strong effort isn't enough to keep listeners from changing the station. By the way, this isn't the fault of the writer either - each writer is given a list of spots to do and some of them are designated, by the instructors, as 60 seconds long. On the other hand, the "trip to Mexico" bit gets repeated and it's somewhat wordy in places... :-)

comm21.mp3 - 449K

Client:	SAIT Learning Skills Centre "Get The Most Out Of Your Future"
Producer:	Joey Lindstrom
Writer:	(don't remember)
Voice:	Jonelle Lacusta

This is another one that suffers from a lack of focus. The fourth sentence sees this one make a rather abrupt turn into a whole new direction, leaving you kinda confused. Oh well... I just produces 'em. :-)

I got dinged on my grade due to another Jonella boo-boo. Don't get me wrong, Jonelle was great fun to work with and I love her to death, but she was always good for one boo-boo per spot. Well, that's not entirely fair - nearly everybody was good for one boo-boo per spot. The problem here is that for whatever reason, I wouldn't catch her boo-boos. But the instructors did. :-) This time out, it's her inflection as she tells us the hours of operation of the SAIT LSC.

On the production side, this spot is a good example of the close-mic technique that I favoured - it sounds like Jonelle's standing right behind you, speaking into your ear. :-)

comm22.mp3 - 218K

Client:	Avis Car Rental "The Moguls Are Yours To Tackle"
Producer:	Joey Lindstrom
Writer:	(don't remember)
Voice:	Jonelle Lacusta

Well, looks like I lied. No boo-boo from Jonelle in this one. :-)

This was a tough one to produce and I'm not satisfied with it. The opening bit calls for me to lay down some F/X of skiing down a hill. Well, this isn't what you might call an easily recognizable sound. The writer follows those F/X with the words "at Panorama", which is a well-known local ski resort, so I dunno. It's hard to judge these things sometimes... you get so close, you can't see the forest for the trees.

There's a slight musical harmonic for about the first tenth of a second in this spot. This wasn't in the original, it comes from the fact that when I dubbed them to tape, this one started too soon and was mixed with the trailing harmonic of the previous spot (COMM21). Sorry 'bout that.

comm23.mp3 - 225K

Client:	Cafe Beano "Not Just Another Trendy Coffee Shop On 17th Avenue"
Producer:	Joey Lindstrom
Writer:	(don't remember)
Voice:	Nadine Berkhout

Picking Nadine to voice this one was either a poor decision or an inspired one - I still haven't decided. She sounds like she drank about 8 cups of coffee prior to voicing this spot. :-) Poor mic work on this one on my part...

comm24.mp3 - 223K

Client:	The Royal Canadian Mint "The Peacekeeping Dollar"
Producer:	Joey Lindstrom
Writer:	Joey Lindstrom
Voice:	Laurie Healy

Although my name appears in the credits as the writer, I can't take credit for all the flowery language. Basically, I took their newspaper ad and reworked it a bit - took me maybe 3 minutes, tops. :-) Hey, this is radio... sometimes ya cut corners. Luckily the instructor didn't spot it, which is odd because he's the one that assigned me to write it in the first place. Or maybe he realized that there ain't much you can really say to sell people on the idea of using legal-tender currency. :-)

This particular dollar coin is not a "special" issue. Unlike our backward neighbours to the south, Canada jettisoned the paper dollar bill back in 1987, in favour of coins known informally as "loonies". Every single "loonie" issued during 1995 was one of these Peacekeeping Dollars. :-) The coin itself shows The Reconciliation, a statue in Ottawa, and a family sitting on a bench, with their backs to us, viewing the statue. This, I think, makes it the only coin in the history of the world to show people's asses.

comm25.mp3 - 228K

Client:	A&B Sound "What Does 'A&B' Stand For?"
Producer:	Joey Lindstrom
Writer:	(don't remember)
Voices:	Amber Brunner Greg Huffman Matthew Dyck

This commercial is, quite simply, a mess. If A&B Sound had paid for this commercial, they would have been quite right to ask for a refund.

First off, who the fuck cares what the letters A&B stand for anyways?

Secondly, using Amber Brunner was probably a mistake. Amber, like me, was a production major - she produced good work and she wrote good stuff, but she was very nervous in front of the microphone - and in that, she wasn't the only production major to feel that way. On the other hand, we were told to spread the work around - I mean, how on earth is Amber ever going to feel more comfortable around a mic if we don't keep giving her some work? She got a lot better as the year progressed, and I'm bettin' that if she knew I was putting this spot online, she'd hunt me down like an animal. :-)

The final problem is more serious and in retrospect I'm quite surprised the instructor didn't require a re-do on this one (although I did only score a "C" grade on it). During the week this was produced, I started fooling around with our digital sound enhancer, and I added some flange to Matt's voice. Read "some" as "way too fucking much". It's jarring and completely unnecessary. Ah well - this is how we learn. :-)

comm26.mp3 - 214K

Client:	Yankee Doodles "Yankee Doodle Dandy"
Producer:	Joey Lindstrom
Writer:	(don't remember)
Voices:	Matthew Dyck Paul Dabrowski Joey Lindstrom

This one's also a mess, but not quite as bad as the last one.

First off, unless you happen to know that Yankee Doodle's is a sports bar and games centre, you'd be left wondering just what it is they were trying to sell. Yankee Doodle's is fairly well known in Calgary, however - maybe the writer felt it was a safe assumption to make.

The second is Paul Dabrowski, who, like Amber, never felt comfortable in front of a mic. In every other respect, however, Paul is eminently suited to a career in radio - he was far and away the very best producer in the class, and he's also Calgary's top-rated club DJ. And he could even write a pretty good commercial. Paul's from Poland originally, and he's very self-conscious about his accent. Which is a shame really, because when you talk with Paul in real-life, his accent is not really that noticeable - it seems to come out much more strongly when he's voicing commercials. That makes him nervous, and that nervousness makes the accent even stronger, etc. A vicious circle. Later in the year, Paul had to voice a pair of great big honkin' long Music Magazine specials and I think that finally got him over his hangup.

And, finally, Joey was playin' with the F/X box again, although this time not to the same degree of annoyingness as in in the previous spot. :-)

comm27.mp3 - 224K

Client:	A&B Sound "Best Sellers Of '94 Sale"
Producer:	Joey Lindstrom
Writer:	(don't remember)
Voice:	Art Richardson

After that abortion in COMM25, I'm pleased to note that we were subsequently able to deliver a decent spot for A&B Sound. This is a straight-ahead, medium-sell, voice over music spot delivered ably by Art Richardson - very typical of a "real life" spot.

comm28.mp3 - 230K

Client:	AutoTemp Air & Sound "Imagine"
Producer:	Joey Lindstrom
Writer:	(don't remember)
Voices:	Jerry Calles Darren Shaben Joe Whitbread

Another day, another nervous production major - this time it's Jerry Calles. Sorry, Jer, but what exactly does "cruising the Pinto" mean anyways? :-) And why didn't the writer ask for some background music playing on these crappy speakers anyways?

comm29.mp3 - 225K

Client:	Boston Pizza "I Could Eat A Rhinoceros"
Producer:	Joey Lindstrom
Writer:	Joey Lindstrom
Voices:	Joey Lindstrom Darren Shaben Laurie Healy

There's nothing quite like getting to write, produce, and voice your own commercial. You get complete creative control, so the end result is exactly what you wanted.

It's hard to imagine I ever wanted this.

PS - I hate Boston Pizza. :-)

comm30.mp3 - 228K

Client:	AutoTemp Air & Sound "Make Your Car Sound Like A Million"
Producer:	Joey Lindstrom
Writer:	(don't remember)
Voice:	Jerry Calles

If you strike out, the thing to do is get right back up to the plate as soon as possible. Jerry delivers a much better performance this time out for the same client.

comm31.mp3 - 228K

Client:	Nakiska Ski Resort "Blast From The Past"
Producer:	Joey Lindstrom
Writer:	Joey Lindstrom
Voice:	Jonelle Lacusta

A pretty good spot, but marred by a rather abrupt finish. Nakiska was the site of the downhill ski racing during the 1988 Winter Olympic Games at Calgary, so to establish the mood, we used the song "Winter Games" by David Foster. For copyright reasons, we couldn't use more than 8 seconds of the music, so it fades out into a standard music bed.

comm32.mp3 - 224K

Client:	United Furniture Warehouse "Goodies For The Goody"
Producer:	Joey Lindstrom
Writer:	Joey Lindstrom
Voice:	Joey Lindstrom

I originally wanted Joe Whitbread to voice this spot but he was unavailable. I had never voiced a hard-sell spot before - my earlier results in speech class were less than stellar, but I figured "what the hell, maybe it'll work" and did it myself. Well, it's still not my style, but I think it does work... with the exception that it takes me nearly 7 seconds to belt out the addresses of United's two Calgary locations. Bad form...

comm33.mp3 - 230K

Client:	The Calgary Exhibition & Stampede "Round Up Your Posse"
Producer:	Joey Lindstrom
Writer:	(don't remember)
Voice:	Nadine Berkhout

Here's another lesson for prospective radio writers: don't stick a postal address, complete with postal code, smack dab in the middle of your spot. Nobody's gonna remember it and you eat up valuable time. Why not go with "for more information, phone 555-1234" and give a phone number where people can get that postal address?

Nadine does a nice job here in a hard-sell spot for the Calgary Stampede, "The Greatest Outdoor Show On Earth"

comm34.mp3 - 455K

Client:	New York Fashions "What Are You Wearing To Grad?"
Producer:	Joey Lindstrom
Writer:	(don't remember)
Voices:	Amber Brunner Nadine Berkhout Tereasa Maillie

As I've said, I'm not a big fan of the 60 second commercial, so I was kinda biased against this one. But as I listen to it, I grudgingly have to give it my thumbs up. The writing is well-targeted at SAIT students preparing for their upcoming graduation and the dialogue is almost believable (as far as any dialogue in a commercial can be, at any rate). Amber and Nadine put in a solid performance as well. The main flaw I found is one line in the dialogue, where Nadine tells Amber "I'll bet you'll be able to find something in your size and style", which seems to imply that Amber is some sort of grossly deformed cow of a woman. :-) Sometimes it's very helpful to read your spot to someone before submitting it for production - many mistakes are caught this way.

comm35.mp3 - 229K

Client:	Coles Books "Coles Is The Place"
Producer:	Joey Lindstrom
Writer:	(don't remember)
Voice:	Nadine Berkhout

Donuts. Is there anything they can't do? Well, selling product would be one thing they don't do, or at least do well.

Nadine puts in a great performance here, but she's sabotaged by the fact that some poor on-air jock is gonna have to try to read his bit live overtop of this spot and likely walk all over her closing words. Oh well...

comm36.mp3 - 230K

Client:	The Plaza Theatre "You Can't Go Wrong"
Producer:	Joey Lindstrom
Writer:	(don't remember)
Voices:	Joey Lindstrom Darren Shaben

Some clients are hard to write for. I think the people at the Plaza might be a little ticked off at this one, because sometimes they do run "subtitled-films about famous Russian artists". :-) And did you notice that Darren suggests that I go to the Plaza Theatre, which costs "a few dollars less" than other theatres, after I had already told him I didn't have "a cent to my name"? Earth to copy writer, come in copy writer... :-)

comm37.mp3 - 462K

Client:	Ahead Of The Game "What's Brought You Out Here This Early?"
Producer:	Joey Lindstrom
Writer:	(don't remember)
Voices:	Joe Whitbread Gerry Calles Tereasa Maillie Darren Shaben

This one takes the form of the "man on the street interview", with Joe starring as "Reggie Reporter" interviewing patrons of Ahead Of The Game. When I first set this up for production, I was immediately faced with two problems. First, our voicing booth only has room for two people at a time. Secondly, a "nice close mic sound" would be inappropriate for a street interview - you want a rougher ambient kind of sound. So, originally, I had all four of them crowd around a single mic, and asked Joe to play reporter and wave the mic in front of the appropriate faces as their time to talk came up.

This, to put it bluntly, didn't work very well. It sounded a lot like... well, it sounded like four people standing around a coffee room fumbling with scripts. :-)

So then I had the four of them cram themselves into the two-person voicing booth, and had them each move into the mic on cue with no prior setup: this gave me the intentionally-rougher sound I was looking for, without the fumbling with scripts or the sound of Joe's hand on the mic as he moved it around.

We also had problems with the timing. A 60 second commercial needs to come in between 58 and 60 seconds - no more, no less. When you've got four people doing dialogue, the writer's time estimates go right out the window. We must have voiced this spot about ten times before we got it bang-on... hat's off to some yeoman efforts by all four of 'em.

Poor Tereasa... I really shoulda stood my ground and insisted that we get rid of that weird caricature that the script asked her to play. Because other than that, this spot is actually pretty good, but Tereasa's performance (not her fault, I stress) really attracts attention to itself and away from the client.

comm38.mp3 - 228K

Client:	The Plaza Theatre "Look No Further Than The Plaza"
Producer:	Joey Lindstrom
Writer:	(don't remember)
Voice:	Darren Shaben

After hosing this client with COMM36, we deliver a much better commercial this time out. Yet there's still an odd writing glitch, one of those things that crop up after you rewrite a commercial twelve times trying to get it just right. Darren notes that the Plaza "plays only the creme de la creme of foreign feature films", but this statement immediately follows Darren's assertion that it also shows films like Casablanca and Pulp Fiction.

Things that make ya go "huh?"

comm39.mp3 - 458K

Client:	Kon-Tiki Tours "It's All Included"
Producer:	Joey Lindstrom
Writer:	Joey Lindstrom
Voices:	Joe Whitbread Nadine Berkhout (don't remember)

This one works fairly well, if I do say so myself. I know I spent way too much time writing it - as I've already said, I have a real problem with most 60 second spots and I wanted to make sure this one kept the listener interested. Joe and Nadine put in a great performance. The fella who voices the outro, whose name I can't recall, was some poor first-year student that I grabbed out of the hallway cuz I needed a voice and nobody else was available - this was one of those late production sessions after everyone else had gone home. He does a decent job considering he's voiced maybe 4 or 5 practice commercials in his entire SAIT career to this point. :-)

The reference to "Red Deer" - this is a small city located about halfway between Calgary and Edmonton. It's not well known as a tourist attraction.

comm40.mp3 - 232K

Client:	Crank Call "Some Heavy Duty Ridin'"
Producer:	Joey Lindstrom
Writer:	(don't remember)
Voices:	Joe Whitbread Joey Lindstrom Laurie Healy

If I'd produced this 30 second spot as originally written, it probably would have run about 50 seconds. So I took the hacksaw to it, and got it down to a manageable amount of copy. When I turned it in, I got dinged for not cutting enough copy. A guy just can't win sometimes. :-)

Actually, the instructor was correct in this evaluation - it is still too much copy, as evidenced by Laurie's hurry-up-and-finish delivery of the outro, which took her five attempts to voice in the requisite amount of time. That should have been my first clue...

comm51a.mp3 - 183K & comm51b.mp3 - 183K

Client:	George Randall's Men's Wear "Beat The January Blahs"
Producer:	Bob Steele
Writer:	Joey Lindstrom
Voice:	Bob Steele

For three weeks in January '95, I spent my waking hours at MIX-105 radio in Vernon, BC. For a couple of days I worked in the sales department, going along on calls to clients and then writing a bunch of spots. This was mostly for practice, but the woman who wrote most of the commercials (I'm sorry, I forget her name, which is a shame because she was great to me!) decided that I should write a couple of spots for actual broadcast. So I went out with one of the sales guys and visited two clients, and then wrote spots for them. They were produced and broadcast, which was kinda cool for me - I'd never had anything I'd written go on-air (other than at school, which doesn't really count).

This pair of spots - essentially the same spot but for broadcast on different days - was voiced by Bob Steele, who is now the afternoon drive-home host at CJAY-92 in Calgary. He chose to take a hard-sell approach to this client, and he uses a "Ronnie Radio" voice that our instructors would cringe at if they heard it. Come to think of it, I did play this for Pat Pearson and he did, in fact, cringe. :-)

comm52.mp3 - 182K

Client:	Fairglass Building Materials "What's Wrong With Yellow Cabinets?"
Producer:	Paul Burke
Writer:	Joey Lindstrom
Voices:	Joey Lindstrom (don't remember) Paul Burke

This was the second of the two spots I wrote that aired on MIX-105. I tried way too hard on this one, resulting in a spot that, if produced as written, would have gone about ten seconds overtime. We cut it down on the fly but it's still quite cluttered... and not nearly as funny as I thought it would be. :-)

The woman's voice is the same woman I mentioned earlier whose name I cannot remember, alas. Paul is the afternoon DJ who I also wrote a bumper for (see Bumpers section). He was quite cool, too - and took a risk by playing "Cars" on the air for me. :-)

Public Service Announcements

psa01a.mp3 - 229K & psa01b.mp3 - 224K

Client:	The SAIT Students' Association "White Ribbon Campaign"
Producer:	(don't remember)
Writer:	Joey Lindstrom
Voice:	Art Richardson

Another rather dull client. Art turns in a nice performance though, showing that he can be equally believable playing a zany nutcase or a thoughtful, sensitive human being.

psa02.mp3 - 225K

Client:	The Calgary Crisis Pregnancy Centre "I Made My Own Decision"
Producer:	Joey Lindstrom
Writer:	(don't remember)
Voices:	Jonelle Lacusta Joey Lindstrom

This one brought my right-wing beliefs out into the open - I was "outed", as it were. Originally I was assigned to write this spot. I asked my instructor to allow me to switch with someone else as I didn't feel comfortable writing a PSA for an organization that condoned abortion. My request was granted... and then I got stuck producing the thing. And, to make matters worse, I put off producing it for so long that by the time I got around to it, there was nobody available to voice the outro - so I hadda do it myself. :-)

psa03.mp3 - 220K

Client:	The Canadian Heart & Stroke Foundation "February Is Heart Month"
Producer:	Joey Lindstrom
Writer:	(don't remember)
Voices:	Cindy Corah Darren Shaben Jonelle Lacusta

Canadian broadcasting rules stipulate that you've gotta air a certain number of Public Service Announcements free of charge. Since we operated our campus station as if it were a real-life commercial station, we followed all the same rules, meaning we had to do PSA's too. This one's kinda contrived, I think, but gets the message across. Sorry for the harmonic at the beginning, I recorded this too close to another spot with a music ending...

psa04.mp3 - 228K

Client:	Meals On Wheels "There Is An Answer"
Producer:	Joey Lindstrom
Writer:	Art Richardson
Voice:	Art Richardson

What can I say? Art's simply a natural at this sort of thing...

Promos

promo101.mp3 - 118K

Client:	CT Network Promo Nadine Berkhout Morning Show On C-93 "Radio That Wakes Up Feeling Like You Do"
Producer:	Joey Lindstrom
Writer:	Joey Lindstrom
Voices:	Kevin Green Nadine Berkhout Joey Lindstrom

For the first two semesters, we aspiring radio students had been going through all the steps involved in putting together a radio station, but there was no real practical experience. Starting with semester three (which came after summer break - ample time to forget everything learned to this point), we were thrown straight into the deep end - three weeks of preparation, and then we were ON THE AIR. This batch of promos, 101 through 107, were among the first to air. You can tell this was all kinda new to us. :-)

I apologize for the poor sound quality on promos 101 through 107. I dug this cassette out of a box somewhere and it didn't age well.

promo102.mp3 - 110K

Client:	CT Network Promo Laurie Healy/Amber Brunner Mid-Day Show On C-93 "The Biggest Country Music Fan"
Producer:	Joey Lindstrom
Writer:	Joey Lindstrom
Voices:	Laurie Healy Amber Brunner Kevin Green

I'm not overly fond of this particular promo, yet if you consider that imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, it must be a pretty good one. No fewer than four other promo writer/producers used the "who's the biggest country music fan?" theme during the year.

promo103.mp3 - 112K

Client:	CT Network Promo Darren Shaben Drive-Home Show On C-93 "I Know Country"
Producer:	Joey Lindstrom
Writer:	Joey Lindstrom
Voices:	Darren Shaben Kevin Green Joey Lindstrom

Y'know how people tend to not be able to remember traumatic events, like the moments leading up to that serious car accident? I can't remember writing or producing this promo...

promo104.mp3 - 116K

Client:	CT Network Promo "CT Network News Delivers"
Producer:	Joey Lindstrom
Writer:	Joey Lindstrom
Voices:	Darren Shaben

This is what happens when you try to cram 40 seconds worth of copy into a 30 second promo.

promo105.mp3 - 114K

Client:	CT Network Promo "A Very Special Flight"
Producer:	Joey Lindstrom
Writer:	Joey Lindstrom
Voices:	Joey Lindstrom

This one is an early tie-in with the new "image" promotion that gets fleshed out with promos 301 and 302, and bumpers 1 through 4.

promo106.mp3 - 113K

Client:	CT Network Promo "The Last Thing You Need Right Now"
Producer:	Joey Lindstrom
Writer:	Joey Lindstrom
Voices:	Joey Lindstrom

The "Burns Bistro" is the name of the cafeteria in the Senator Patrick Burns Building, which is where we in SAIT Radio did our thing. The PA system in the Bistro was locked on to our station - you couldn't tune us out. Too bad. :-)

promo107.mp3 - 117K

Client:	CT Network Promo Craig Harris Mid-Day Show On R-93 "Polluting Your Mind"
Producer:	Kevin Green
Writer:	Kevin Green
Voices:	Kevin Green Craig Harris Nadine Berkhout Vincent Price (yes, that Vincent Price)

I had nothing to do with this one. I include it only to show that I wasn't the only one who hadn't a clue what he was doing at first. :-)

promo301.mp3 - 224K

Client:	CT Network Promo "Fly Our Airwaves #1"
Producer:	Joey Lindstrom
Writer:	Joey Lindstrom
Voices:	Joe Whitbread Joey Lindstrom Nadine Berkhout Amber Brunner Greg Huffman

Well, it was time to "change our image", and the new image was "Fly Our Airwaves" - ie: an aviation motif. OK, it's weak. Whaddaya expect from a bunch of radio wannabes? :-)

promo302.mp3 - 226K

Client:	CT Network Promo "Fly Our Airwaves #2"
Producer:	Joey Lindstrom
Writer:	Joe Whitbread
Voices:	Matthew Dyck Joey Lindstrom Paul Dabrowski Joe Whitbread

Trust me, we got WAY better later in the year...

promo401.mp3 - 111K

Client:	CT Network Promo Jonelle Lacusta Morning Show On C-93 "Fully Qualified"
Producer:	Joey Lindstrom
Writer:	Joey Lindstrom
Voices:	Joey Lindstrom Jonelle Lacusta

After returning from my three-week practicum at MIX-105 in Vernon, BC, near the end of January 1995, I settled down into my "major", which was mostly production and a little bit of writing on the side. During one particular week, I was well into my assigned task of producing 24 commercials, 4 "kaleidescopes", a "music magazine" (featuring Gary Numan!), and lots of other fiddly bits of pieces, when I suddenly had a panic attack. Turns out I had FORGOTTEN that I had to also write and produce six promos for airing the following week. It was Friday afternoon, and I had to do them *NOW* because the people that needed to voice the promos wouldn't be in on Saturday.

So, over a four hour period, I wrote and produced all six. I was very pissed off at myself because this assignment was a big one in terms of contributing to my overall grade, and I was about to blow it. As it turned out, I scored an "A" for both production and writing on all six - which, as you'll hear, was perhaps somewhat generous on behalf of my instructor.

This first one, promoting Jonelle Lacusta's morning show on "C-93", our on-campus country music station, got me into a bit of hot water with Jonelle herself. During her voicing, she gave me a little "blonde giggle". She immediately asked me to remove it, and I said I would. I not only didn't, I double-tracked it onto the end of the promo, which put my classmates in stitches but got Jonelle rather vexed with me.

The "bleeped" section of this promo was, for realism, originally voiced with Jonelle saying the word "fuck". As I was producing this, I played it back to check the timing... just as my instructor walked by the open production lab door. He slowly walked back, looked me in the eye, and said "No, Joey. No."

promo402.mp3 - 114K

Client:	CT Network Promo Laurie Healy Morning Show On R-93 "Make My Day"
Producer:	Joey Lindstrom
Writer:	Joey Lindstrom
Voices:	Greg Huffman (don't remember) Laurie Healy Matthew Dyck

"Reggie Reporter" was an ongoing character that many of has had written into our promos and commercials, and was based around the stereotypical "radio DJ voice", commonly referred to as "Ronnie Radio", that we were told to never, never, not in a million years EVER use on air upon pain of failing the course. Since we couldn't use that voice in regular voicing or on-air, we wrote a carricature of it into our scripts. Greg (Reggie) doesn't really use a "Ronnie Radio" voice in this promo though - we had another guy, Joe Whitbread, who did it perfectly, and you can hear a bit of that in his "Ahead Of The Game" spot in my audition tape. Greg, who plays Reggie here, is the guy I had in mind to voice the earlier Jonelle Lacusta promo but he wasn't available.

Although a pretty good promo (IMHO), this particular promo has a rather glaring production error that EVERYBODY MISSED, including my instructor. It should have been a 2/3rds grade hit, meaning my production grade for this promo, if it had been caught, should have been a "B+" rather than an "A". Have a listen and see if you can catch it. Then click here to see if you're right.

"R-93" was the second of two stations we operated, and was a rock/pop format. This one was only "broadcast" within the CTSR wing itself, but the country station was also aired throughout the entire building, and most notably in the cafeteria, where our struggling-to-be-professional efforts were the subject of much lunchtime criticism.

promo403.mp3 - 116K

Client:	CT Network Promo Matt Mulany Drive-Home Show On R-93 "I'll Still Respect You"
Producer:	Joey Lindstrom
Writer:	Joey Lindstrom
Voices:	Jonelle Lacusta Matthew Dyck

This one's a promo for "Matt Mulany", aka Matthew Dyck. Matt actually sounds like this in real life, and the "character" I wrote for him is surprisingly close to real life as well. When this was first "aired" in front of the entire classroom - in a Monday morning critique session where everything produced the previous week was subjected to discussion - just about every head in the room was nodding vigorously after it finished playing.

promo404.mp3 - 110K

Client:	CT Network Promo The 11th Hour "I Sure Like The Price"
Producer:	Joey Lindstrom
Writer:	Joey Lindstrom
Voices:	Joey Lindstrom Art Richardson Craig Harris

This was the only "straight ahead" promo of the bunch (ie: no humour, or at least attempts at humour), featuring a conversation between myself and "John", played by Art Richards, who is the subject of his own promo in #406.

It helps as you listen to this one to remember that the main audience for our "station" was the cafeteria. Indeed, a captive audience.

promo405.mp3 - 118K

Client:	CT Network Promo Cindy Corah Drive-Home Show On C-93 "A Day In The Life"
Producer:	Joey Lindstrom
Writer:	Joey Lindstrom
Voices:	(don't remember) Cindy Corah Matthew Dyck

This one, to put it bluntly, just doesn't work. It was the last of the six I wrote, and by this time I was well into a real good case of writer's block. As is usual in such cases, I wound up writing entirely too much, and came up with a 30-second promo that ran 46 seconds. I wound up having to layer a few sounds and completely replace both the intro and the outro, and by this time just about everybody had gone home, so I ran across the hall and grabbed a first-year student to voice them - his first-ever voicing assignment.

The result is a promo that seems rushed and rather disjointed, and you have to hear it a few times before you "get" it - and by then, any humour value it might have had is completely destroyed. The only highlight, and probably the reason it also received an "A" grade, was a great performance by Matthew Dyck in the role of "Billy".

As to the script... what the HELL was I thinking?

promo406.mp3 - 111K

Client:	CT Network Promo Art Richards Mid-Day Show On C-93 "A Man Of A Thousand Voices"
Producer:	Joey Lindstrom
Writer:	Joey Lindstrom
Voices:	Craig Harris Art Richardson Matthew Dyck

This promo remains my all-time favourite promo ever to air on our station in my time there. Partially because I wrote and produced it, but mostly because of the subject matter. Art Richardson, aka Art Richards, is the subject, and calling Art "zany" is akin to calling the Great Wall Of China "big" - it just doesn't scratch the surface.

The week before, Craig Harris had written and produced a promo for Art that began with the announcer saying "Art Richards - A Man Of A Thousand Voices", followed by Art responding with "Yeah, and they all tell me to do bad things". This line, more than anything else, "captured" the real Art Richards. The earlier promo went on to say other things about Art, but I decided to focus on just this line and make it the centrepiece of a "sequel" promo, and let the listening audience hear just what it was the voices in Art's head were telling him to do. Craig reprises his role here as The Narrator from the earlier promo he had written.

I played this one to a number of complete strangers, and the only setup I needed to give them was that Art Richards was a radio student. Everyone laughed - I hope you do, too. Oh, and BTW, that's the ever-present Matthew Dyck in a starring role as "The Voice".

Bumpers

bumper1c.mp3 - 79K & bumper1r.mp3 - 75K

Client:	CT Network Promo "Forget The Supermarket"
Producer:	Joey Lindstrom
Writer:	Joe Whitbread
Voice:	Joe Whitbread

"Bumpers" are those little things that sometimes pop up in between songs to let dumb people know what station they're listening to. :-) They are also sometimes used as a very short station promo (ie: for a particular DJ's show).

bumper2c.mp3 - 75K & bumper2r.mp3 - 75K

Client:	CT Network Promo "Nobody Will Get Hurt"
Producer:	Joey Lindstrom
Writer:	Joe Whitbread
Voices:	Jeff Condon Joe Whitbread

Can you tell we were hittin' some serious writer's block? :-)

bumper3c.mp3 - 60K & bumper3r.mp3 - 60K

Client:	CT Network Promo "Are We Gonna Land Yet?"
Producer:	Joey Lindstrom
Writer:	Joey Lindstrom
Voice:	Joe Whitbread Darren Shaben Joey Lindstrom

Serious couch potatoes will recognize this as a take-off of the Simpsons episode in which Homer and Apu fly to India to meet the CEO of Kwiki-Mart.

bumper4c.mp3 - 74K & bumper4r.mp3 - 75K

Client:	CT Network Promo "You Can Keep The Headphones"
Producer:	Joey Lindstrom
Writer:	Joey Lindstrom
Voice:	Joe Whitbread

In case yer thinkin' by now "geez, didn't these idiots know you can play some music behind these talking heads?", we were under instructions to do a certain number of "voice-only" bumpers. Sigh...

bumper51.mp3 - 67K

Client:	MIX-105 Promo Paul Burke Drive-Home Show "Sure He's Old Enough"
Producer:	(unknown)
Writer:	Joey Lindstrom
Voice:	(unknown)

During the 4th semester, I was sent off on a three-week practicum to "MIX-105", aka CICF-1050AM in Vernon, British Columbia. I had to do just about every job in radio while there, and on one occasion I got to sit in on a brain-storming meeting which had us all dreaming up new-and-goofy promos for their station. One of them, a "bumper" for Paul Burke (the afternoon DJ), was suggested by myself. They liked it, and along with about 30 other suggestions it was professionally produced (not by me of course).

bumper52.mp3 - 53K & bumper53.mp3 - 46K & bumper54.mp3 - 45K &
bumper55.mp3 - 56K & bumper56.mp3 - 42K & bumper57.mp3 - 56K &
bumper58.mp3 - 47K & bumper59.mp3 - 41K & bumper60.mp3 - 59K &
bumper61.mp3 - 43K & bumper62.mp3 - 37K & bumper63.mp3 - 44K &
bumper64.mp3 - 36K & bumper65.mp3 - 58K & bumper66.mp3 - 54K &
bumper67.mp3 - 41K & bumper68.mp3 - 49K & bumper69.mp3 - 44K &
bumper70.mp3 - 36K & bumper71.mp3 - 38K & bumper72.mp3 - 43K &
bumper73.mp3 - 48K & bumper74.mp3 - 33K & bumper75.mp3 - 32K &
bumper76.mp3 - 34K

Client:	MIX-105 Promo Various
Producer:	(unknown)
Writer:	Various MIX-105 Personnel
Voice:	(unknown)

Some of the other MIX-105 bumpers. I had nothing to do with these other than sitting in at the session and writing BUMPER51, but they're short and funny and I figured you might like to check 'em out. Bear in mind, this is a small-market station... :-) The overall spirit of the station is best summed up in BUMPER76

Kaleidescopes

kaleid1.mp3 - 384K

Client:	CT Network Kaleidescope "The Hat Trick"
Producer:	Joey Lindstrom
Writer:	(don't remember)
Voices:	Joe Whitbread Greg Huffman Matthew Dyck
Music:	Hockey Night In Canada Theme (CBC)

Kaleidescopes were little things we ran on a daily basis, and basically had a simple theme: take a word or phrase or common happenstance and explain its origin. For example, who was "Dr. Pepper"? Why do golf balls have dimples? Why do we drive on "parkways" and park on "driveways"?

This one, which I produced but did not write, is about the origin of the phrase "hat trick", which in general non-sports usage is defined as getting three of something. For example, if an actor were to win three Oscar awards, this would be a hat trick.

This term is borrowed from the sport of ice hockey - a hat trick, in today's use, is when a player scores three goals in one game. In fact, the term originally only applied if the player scored three consecutive goals, with no other players scoring in between - this is now referred to as a "natural" hat trick.

This kaleidescope explores where the term originated, a subject shrouded in mystery. The background music is the theme song for "Hockey Night In Canada", the most-watched Saturday night TV show in Canada. And for you non-hockey fans, Wayne Gretzky is to hockey as Michael Jordan is to basketball, Babe Ruth is to baseball, Pele is to soccer, etc. If you're wondering how Bill Mosienko managed to score 3 goals in 21 seconds, it's helpful to realize that they stop the clock after each goal and start it again when the puck is dropped to resume play. :-) In 1985, Calgary Flames' player Lanny McDonald came close to beating this record - he had scored 2 goals in 6 seconds, setting a club record, and 12 seconds later missed a shot on an open net.

kaleid2.mp3 - 317K

Client:	CT Network Kaleidescope "If I Miss One More Green Light..."
Producer:	Joey Lindstrom
Writer:	(don't remember)
Voices:	Nadine Berkhout Matthew Dyck

Why do traffic lights always turn red just when you approach? According to this Kaleidescope, it's just your imagination. However, here in the City of Calgary, they have this thing called the "Go Plan" which is a policy document aimed at curbing the city's rapid growth and moving people out of their cars and into public transit. One key facet of this policy is to intentionally set traffic lights so that the flow of traffic is obstructed. So much for the "it's just your imagination" theory...

kaleid3.mp3 - 422K

Client:	CT Network Kaleidescope "I'm Waiting For The Other Shoe To Drop"
Producer:	Joey Lindstrom
Writer:	Joey Lindstrom
Voices:	Jonelle Lacusta Joe Whitbread Matthew Dyck Art Richardson

Y'ever wonder just what that expression means? Find out here.

I rather like this one because it's a good example of just how bizarre a guy Matthew Dyck is. The script called for him to deliver one single, solitary line - "Yes, but your neighbour's a light sleeper" Matthew, being the attention-loving sort, figures one line just ain't enough... so he steals the show by delivering it with a Jack Nicholson impression. Matthew pulls off other impressions (of other actors) in various other works on this page.

kaleid4.mp3 - 750K

Client:	CT Network Kaleidescope "Naming Hurricanes"
Producer:	Joey Lindstrom
Writer:	(don't remember)
Voice:	Art Richardson

Fairly interesting subject matter, but way too much information. This thing is top-heavy with copy and leaves both the listener and poor Art breathless by the end - these things were supposed to come in under 1:45 (not including the intro and extro) and we just barely made it.

Because it's so rushed, I lost marks on my grade for this one. Since I didn't write it, you might think that's not really fair, but the lesson learned here is that in radio, you'll often get scripts that run overtime. It is the job of the producer to, on the spot, make decisions regarding the cutting of copy. In our situation, we had the luxury of consulting with the original writer for this purpose, but in real life you might just have to go ahead and make the cut yourself. This is why a student who majors in production must also take a minor in creative writing. The finished work must "sell" the product capably, and if the script needs work it is up to you to turn it into something that will sell the product rather than slavishly producing it as-written.

As it happens, the "lists" mentioned in this piece have since been replaced.

kaleid5.mp3 - 342K

Client:	CT Network Kaleidescope "Driving On Parkways And Parking On Driveways"
Producer:	Joey Lindstrom
Writer:	(don't remember)
Voices:	Matthew Dyck Craig Harris Joey Lindstrom

I wish I knew who wrote this. The characters of Tony and Guido were a load of fun, so much so that I asked for, and received, permission to rewrite other episodes to be told from the perspective of the same two characters. This proved popular, and Tony and Guido made many more appearances in Kaleidescope as subsequent producers took over the task. Every episode ended either with one of them telling the other to shut up, or one of them shooting the other. Ain't ethnic stereotypes fun?

kaleid6.mp3 - 472K

Client:	CT Network Kaleidescope "Coloured Pages In Paperback Books"
Producer:	Joey Lindstrom
Writer:	(don't remember) & Joey Lindstrom
Voices:	Craig Harris Matthew Dyck Joey Lindstrom

Tony and Guido are back and up to their old tricks. This one's a bit better written than the first one, and my only writing contribution was to add the occasional epithet and the death-of-Tony scene at the end.

My apologies for the crappy gunshot sounds - they were the best available on the sound-effects CD's that CTSR provided us with. Recording my own sounds wasn't an option - nobody had thought to bring a handgun to school with them that day. This is Canada, after all. :-)

kaleid7.mp3 - 532K

Client:	CT Network Kaleidescope "How We Make Kaleidescope"
Producer:	Joey Lindstrom
Writer:	Joey Lindstrom
Voices:	Craig Harris Matthew Dyck John Nursall - Instructor Pat Pearson - Instructor

This was the final Kaleidescope to air during the year, and we had a lot of fun with it. After all, what better way to end the run than by airing an episode that explains just how we make these bloody things. :-)

Highlights include cameo appearances by two of our instructors, John Nursall and Pat Pearson. Standing policy was that all voicing was to be done by students: we weren't allowed to ask "the pros" to help out. They made an exception here because the script called for them to play themselves.

Plays

play1.mp3 - 4,910K

Client:	CT Network Radio Play "Lost And Found"
Writer/Director:	Jonelle Lacusta
Producer:	Joey Lindstrom
Production Assistants:	Jeff Condon Paul "Pauly Dee" Dabrowski Amber Brunner
Voices:	Nadine Berkhout as Lisa Darren Shaben as Dan Laurie Healy as Edna Jerry Calles as Mike Tereasa Maillie as Martha Joe Whitbread as Narrator
Music:	"Bram Stoker's Dracula" Soundtrack "Space: 1999" Soundtrack

During the second semester, each of us was required to write a 15-minute play for radio. Of the 16 scripts submitted, 3 were selected for production during the third and fourth semesters - this was the first one to be produced, so of course we were the first to fall into all the potholes along the way.

I was almost too embarrassed to put this online. On the other hand, there's some very good work here too. So here it is, but I'll outline what I think the biggest problems were.

The first lesson we learned was... to bend Gary Numan's words... "just because you sound good on radio doesn't mean you'll make a good actor". :-) Actually, much of the fault for the sometimes-poor performances lies with Jonelle and myself - it was our job to ensure we got the right "take" from each actor before proceeding to the next scene. Indeed, I recall later working with Paul Dabrowski and Art Richardson, who paired up for the third play and asked me to play the male lead, and seeing how they'd learned from our mistakes - NOBODY left the voicing booth until both Paul and Art were 100% satisfied that you'd just delivered the performance of your life.

One factor that contributed to the performance problems was my preferred production technique, which works fine for short commercials and PSA's but is rather unwieldy and unworkable for longer productions like this. Specifically, because our voicing booth has only two positions and two microphone jacks, I voiced the Lisa and Dan characters together, then voiced the remaining characters individually. This proved rather daunting in scenes when there was dialogue between one of these characters and either Lisa or Dan. Still, I was confident it would work. In retrospect, it would have worked quite well indeed had I more experience with the studio's four-track tape recorder. As it was, the actors had to read their lines COLD, without having the opportunity to hear the voicing of the other characters against which they are playing. I had been voicing everybody to two-track tape, then later assembling the dialogue piece by piece. A sound idea in principle, but it was a disservice to the actors who themselves were raw rookies.

The script was also somewhat weak, particularly the ending. Jonelle had asked for permission to rewrite certain bits of dialogue and completely rewrite the ending, but we were told that the purpose of the exercise was to work with the script you're given - in the real world, you often don't have the chance to get a rewrite from the writer, you go with what you've got.

The bad German accent of the "Edna" character was actually intended to be just that: bad. However, this point isn't made clear early on - there's a vague allusion to it by the "Dan" character but it's easily missed, and you listen to the rest of the play thinking "geez, this chick playing Edna is terrible!" when in fact she is SUPPOSED to be terrible. This was one of the things we wanted to fix in the rewrite, but c'est la vie.

The original script didn't mention anything at all about music. Jonelle and I made it up on the fly, during the final assembly stage. She brought several soundtrack CD's into the lab on the final night before the project was due, but only "Bram Stoker's Dracula" proved suitable. We wound up working until 5am getting it done, but because we had no other music available, we wound up dipping into the selection of scratchy old vinyl records that have been sitting in that lab since the 70's - and, as you'll hear, we wound up using music from the "Space: 1999" soundtrack. And if you think it sounds scratchy in the play, you shoulda heard it *BEFORE* we subjected the album to about 30 minutes of vigourous cleaning. :-) As it is, the music seems to work fairly well after about the midway point of the play - in one sequence it works quite well actually. But it's almost non-existent during the first half of the play, making it seem unfinished.

Sound effects were a challenge: we have a library of sound effects CD's, but when the script calls for "scuffle between Edna and Lisa" and doesn't get more specific than that, you have to improvise. Some of our improvisations worked rather well, particularly the motor-boat scene (when it wouldn't start), but others (particularly the afore-mentioned scuffle) did not.

All in all, I'd rate it "not bad for a beginner", which is what we all were at the time. Thankfully, I got a lot better at it later on. :-)

Music Magazines

mmag3.mp3 - 6,430K

Client:	CT Network Music Magazine "Gary Numan"
Producer:	Joey Lindstrom
Writer:	Joey Lindstrom
Voices:	Joey Lindstrom Gary Numan (yes, really)
Music:	"Cars - '93 Sprint Mix" "I Dream Of Wires" - performed by Robert Palmer "My Breathing" "New Anger"

I long ago swore that this would never be played again outside of the SAIT campus or my own tape deck. Why? Because it has so many factual errors you'd need a supercomputer just to count 'em!

These errors come from the fact that, because I live in Western Canada, info about Gary has always been extremely hard to come by. And much of it is either inaccurate or just plain wrong - for example, my assertion here that David Bowie once cited Gary as an influence.

This was produced before I had internet access, before I'd become involved with the Gary Numan Digest, and a LONG time before I started my own Numan website. It also predates the Sacrifice and Exile albums, meaning some of Gary's strongest material just wasn't available for use here.

But, I've mellowed. After all, the factual errors don't really detract from the overall presentation, which is quite positive really, unless you happen to KNOW that the facts are wrong. So try to ignore 'em, ok? :-)

The tape quality here is absolutely atrocious - I have a copy of this on reel-to-reel tape but I do *NOT* have a reel-to-reel tape deck, so I'm stuck with this shitty cassette. It shouldn't matter though - what counts is what I and Gary say during the course of this music special.

A final note on the opening intro and closing extro - this was the "standard" Music Magazine intro/extro combo. It was written by our instructor Pat Pearson and voiced by Jonelle Lacusta. I volunteered to produce it, and took the opportunity to stick some Numan in there too. So not only did I produce a Numan Music Magazine, but *EVERY* Music Magazine that went on the air on R-93 that year was accompanied by Gary's music. Cool...

Final note: my on-air name in CTSR was Joey James, not Joey Lindstrom. The latter doesn't have the same ring to it as the former, which I borrowed from my uncle in England.